Thursday, August 31, 2006

I Have Cramps..

..no, wait....I feel cramped! That's what I was trying to say.

The Goodley Wyfe and I are off to K & M's farm in The Pennsylvania this weekend, and I was trying to noodle through why giving up the BCDFAMTTRFS (Big Crazy Drunken Flirty All Man Trip To The Renaissance Festival Saturday) for this trip wan't bothering me at all. The BC....RFS is a huge affair that we look forward to every year, but somehow, I am not put out by missing it. I know a huge part of it is that the Goodely and i haven't spent much quality time together this season, and i miss her terribly, but there was something else.

I think I got a part of it this morning. I am looking forward to some wide open spaces. All of my recent activities of going to house parties, gaming, gaming conventions and the Renaissance Festival are always filled to capacity with people and things. I love people, I love the crush and the bustle, the bustling crush. there is nothing quite like knowing that hundreds and thousands of people who share your interests are all around you, supporting you and in their own way loving you.

My house is small (but lovely)and quite cluttered to the point where I was going to name it the Clutterhut. It is comfortable and cozy, with no space unused or wasted, but still, it is a Small House. Suziehulahoop, hawty mommy extraordinaire, lives in a doublewide...probably the crampiest of wee spaces, but her double is sited on a beautiful vista near Yosemite National park. Sitting on her deck, one can see...well, as far as the eye CAN see. The view from my porch, yard, window, desk, whatever..is at the most a hundred or so feet.

I still work in cubicle hell. There is nothing redeeming about my space at the office. I have no window, there are walls all around me. I am in a little cell. When I went to Taliesin, to see Frank Lloyd Wright's workspace and office...I had to go "Oh, yes, there is an obvious example of why this man is such a genius" as his workspace was beautiful, open, breezey and spacious. I do not know which was chicken or egg, his studio or his designs, but they had to have gone hand in hand.

Thus, the call to the beach..and the beach in winter. Thus, the call to the mountains, and all their splendour, and thus.....the call to the farm.

K&M's farm is lovely, spacious and grand. I am looking forward to steeling away just before dawn for a bit of a naked hike through the rolling fields and dew kissed grasses. Just to do some quiet sitting somewhere with a view of, well...nothing will be most pleasant. I long to try to fill these wide open spaces with my energy, sending my love out to all those domestic and abroad, and to those who are domestics, and to those what ARE broads.

I am kicking it Green Acres style, faithful reader, so enjoy a pint or seven at the Festival for me, as i will return to you soon, hopefully larger than life itself.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Back to School

Do we even notice anymore that the kiddies went back to school this week? I remember we went back on September 9th or so, but it seems that here in the Metro DC area, everyone went back today, the 29th of August.

I notice the traffic, of course, and the school buses, and that everyone is back from vacation. But is there excitement? Is there the dread that came with counting down those last few days before school? None of this, of course, had anything to do with actual studying or learning. I had no interest in school, and never did a single bit of homework. How Bob & Lorraine managed to turn a blind eye to that I have no idea, but pirate style, they sure did. What I liked about back to school was that I felt special for that week, and the focus was on me and my brother.

I got a new haircut.
I got new sneakers.
I gots new notebooks.

Yes, yes, there goes my typical American consumerism rearing its ugly, soul gorging head, but still, there was something in the smell of new shoes and notebook paper that plays off Reptile Robby brain that said new horizons were, well....on the horizon.

Don't get me wrong, school was a bucket and a half of suck for me. I was smart, goofy looking and played Dungeons and Dragons. As you can imagine, my initial forays into the education systems were a special kind of horror. Heck, we didn't even get good alternative music until I was 16.

But still, there was anticipation. Maybe this year it would be different. Self delusional maybe, but ever hopeful for that future. More likely than not, the new school year meant that I could bring my Dungeons and Dragons character back out and we would begin playing again in earnest.

So now, the Purple Worm has turned 180 diggities, and my summer vacation was spent playing Dungeons and Dragons, and my "school year" is set with renewed work "stress" (I don't really stress over work, there is just more of it) with everyone coming back to town. Just to make it feel like back to school though, I think I am off to the supply closet to get a new notebook and some supplies.

I wonder if our supply closet has sneakers and haircuts, too?

Monday, August 21, 2006

I Love Drinking!

First, a Spam Haiku:

"her knees--a bit of muslin torn initiative
predictable of Ahm,
men had given me; but just scissors"

...but just scissors indeed.

Okay, on to the point. I love drinking. For those what know, my father battles alcoholism, rather unsuccesfully, currently and for all his life. At times it was very, very terrible, at times, it was like background noise. You would think with this ever present symbol of the evils of "The Liquor", that I would either practice temperence or be a raving alcoholic myself. Well, raving I may be, but this time for the joys of drinking and how wonderful it can be.

My weekend was liberally peppered than lightly grilled with drinking throughout. The lovely L----- went out for happy Hour drinks on Friday to start things off. How wonderful it was to chat, discuss matter of all degrees of import, from not at all to nigh-all encompassing, but getting a bit more loose and relaxed with each drink. Bless you, lady liquor (snoogans)!

Saturday night found us playing silly card games with a delightful younger couple that we know. Well, A------ and I surely separated the "designated drivers" from the "do not operate heavy machinery crowd" in short order, by skipping meriily with garlands of flowers in our hair past beer, wine and mixed drinks, and going right for shots of the heavy stuff as we played the silliest of silly games.

Sunday too, we had different folk over to play different silly games, and I started drinking when the first guest arrived. I think it relaxed me, loosened me up, and chased away the pregame jitters that I usually get.

Alright, I am not saying here that I need to be drunk to have fun, but heck, I like drinking while I am having fun. So far, things are good, and we don't have the telltale signs of "a Problem", regardless of how many extremely assertive gay men I give my hotel keys to. I also feel like I have enough folk around to set me straight if it does become a problem. Until that day, come along and bring some ice cubes, as my scotch is getting lonely.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Renaissance Man

And no, this time I am not talking about the sultry Voice.

I mean to say, this is the time when we all look forward to the Maryland Renaissance Faire. I simply get giddier than Aunt Nancy at a Frank Sinatra concert when I think about how much fun this event is.

For those of you that have never been to a Renaissance Faire...tsk tsk. The trumpets blare, the gates open, and you are transported as much as you like to a romantic version of the Renaissance. People are in costumes, merchants are selling their goods, wenches are wenching and dancers are dancing the forbidden dances.

The Maryland Faire is especially wonderful for this reason: Who know's why (I assume the Govenor?) but the official state sport of Maryland is indeed, jousting! That's right, jousting! What this means for you and yours is that the knights in full armor on their fabulous and thundering steeds are doing this "for real, and for keepsies". It is an awe-inspiring spectacle to see gigantic armor clad warriors duking it out, well...Duke of Earl style to win the round, and some maiden's favour.

Oh, and the maiden's favour indeed! Did I mention the corsetted bosom's? No? Silly me. Fabulous corsetted bosoms as far as the eye can see. For the ladies, we have handsome and buckswashing lords all partaking in gentlemanly behavious and practicing the Art of Courting such as you have only read about in novels with Fabio on the cover.

SuzieHulahoop will be happy to tell you how much she enjoys the axe throwing side attractions, the general boozing, and the lovely and sometimes touching Pub Sing. I will tell you how much I love all the different people I can be at just this one faire.

I go by myself, just to pretend I am back in that day, and to be the Calm Spectator amongst the throngs. I go with my Goodely Wyfe, to have a special date, and treat her like the Queen (and sometime like the wench...snoogans) that she is. I go with The Boys. Ah yes, I go with the Boys, to do oyster shooters, hang out in the Wine Garden, and sharpen up my flirting skills on the giant whetstone that is everyone else there that is also "in on the joke". I go with family and friends, to be their Guide through the ages, escorting children and adults, dressed in costume or not, through "my world".

But I go....I go and go and go. You should too. Please come and dance, drink and make the Merry with me.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Flit flitter flit...

I am fortunate enough to be quite a social butterfly. My calendar books up months in advance, and I am frequently running from one event to another...

AND I LOVE IT!

Thank you all so much for wanting to include me in gaming conventions, family visits, reunions, fairs and festivals, weekend getaways, romantic rendevous (exclusive to the Goodely, naturally), and just casual lunches and drinks with friends. It has been an amazing roller coaster thus far, and I hope we never stop.

Our most recent trip was to GenCon Indy, the big gaming convention of the year. Thousands of people came together to experience "fringe" or "undeground" geeky pastimes. I don't know what your social strata was or is, but many of these folks (including myself) did not look like the fringe of anything!

It was amazing. Certainly there were folks from my herd of geeks, dorks and nerds, but there were also families, senior groups and hordes of "cool kids" running around playing games. We play constantly when we are are born and start life. We are encouraged to "Go play" by our parents. Somewhere though, we begin to stop playing. "Stop playing and do your schoolwork" "Stop messing around with that game and do the dishes" become the new buzzphrases.

Of course schoolwork and clean dishes are important. Far be it for the Robbblog to advocate a bunch of simpletons running around with a sink full of foul dishware. All we are saying here is that playing is JUST AS IMPORTANT as all the serious stuff.

Stop reading, and go play! When you do, give me a call, and we can play together!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Spam Haikus

I am double dipping today, make sure you look down for the "My Birthday" post below!

F*ing Narcissict!

I am pushing my birthday notification down because my spam mail has taken on a new and interesting persona. Beat Poetry.

I have changed my Outlook at work to show a preview pane of my mail below the Inbox. They tell me this is bad, because technically, the programme is opening up all the mail in order to show this preview. If a spammer knows you are opening the spam, they will send you more, yes? Well, that's alright, as I can ignore it all pretty easily.

Or can I? The latest round of spam seems to include some wisdom of the music of the spheres attached to the offers to make my mortgage smaller and my penis bigger, two things they should be selling to my Goodely Wyfe, as she can most benefit from both of these offers.

But no matter! Read from the spams I have received today:

"the immediate vicinity of successful camp.
was beyond scarf my capability.
from our would "apartment,"


...from our would apartment indeed.

And this gem, the legend of bill Caspak

"bill Caspak harbored instruction
bow in upon us. The man above
so far as we know, wedding at other times. There was"


There was? There was, indeed.

I hope I get more of these gems. They make me smile, but then again, most everything makes me smile on my birthday (another shameless plug).

Its my Birthday!

Huzzah!

Here I am, dressed to the eights (nines and tens I will save for the apres work party) and sitting at my desk at work. Work, work?! On one's birthday? Yes gang, I am at work on my birthday, but to be honest, this is where lots of my friends are, and a very social arena for me to engage in fivolous gladitorial combat.

The members of the Dream Pod (my little cubicle enclave) and I are off to the Diner fairly soon to have a little "Robert's Birthday Edition of Going to the Diner." For lunch, a good friend who is not a coworker and a good friend what is a coworker and I going out to lunch. This evening, another group of wonderful and beautiful people are coming to my home to play, perhaps unknowingly, a silly game called Munchkin. Today will be a good day. I will also be staying up all night to play video games, as I leave at 5:30 am tomorrow for GenCon Indy. Since someone else is doing the driving, I might as well sleep the whole way!

I get frequent comments like "You are 38? I thought you were much younger!" and I always say thank you in return. I wonder though. Is it my youthful appearance? Is it my low threshold for joy that incurs this feeling in others? Is it my lack of accomplishments in my work and financial stability that brings these comments about? The Chief Financial Officer of our firm is also 38. He is a good natured happy man with a nice house, a great job and his two daughters are beautiful.

I have to remember the words of the great Ty Webb when he was asked about not keeping score by Judge Smails.

Smails: "Well, Ty, how do you measure yourself against other golfers?"

Webb: "By height."


So yes, maybe the CFO is also taller than me, but in some ways that is just as arbitrary a measurement as money, children or position in a firm. He may be taller in these ways as well, but I would imagine that I am wider in many others. I am thankful today that I don't have much more time than right here, right now to do the reflections on this day, and this year. I am smart, pretty and tall, and about as accomplished as a fella can hope for.

Thanks for coming by, and perhaps wishing me well. As we all move forward to "whatever comes next", we can do it happy in the knowledge that we move from a place of "exactly where we needed to be" to "exactly where we were supposed to be going", regardless of who stands taller or shorter, wider or thinner, along the way.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Strictly Speaking...

I am not a very strict person, and do not work well with very set schedules. However, I am always fascinated by the regimented and by the well planned amongst us. I make every effort to be on time to the best of my ability, but I also like to ebb and flow when and where I can. Spur of the moment indulgences and flights of fancy make me very gleeful in my daily life.

Have I mentioned the restlessness and the theory of balance that I think is the underlying theme of my whole existence? it is good to touch back on that from time to time.

STOP READING IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY TALK OF A SEXUAL NATURE!!!!!!

Getting that out of the way, I mention all this because I find myself on a strict ejaculation schedule this week. The Goodely Wyfe and I are back in the saddle of artificial insemination, the IUI if you remember previous posts. Part of the process is to very closely monitor her Season Cycles and determine when her eggs drop, so as to plan the best time for insemination.

My role, as we have discussed earlier, is minor in scope but major in implications. I currently carry a virtual doctors' writ for intercourse with said Goodley Wyfe, to take place upon the 2nd of August. Should all go well, I have another official Writ of Masturbation for the 4th of August. This is all very funny, as anything that is rather awkward tends to be.

The toughest part of the "procedure" isn't rallying the necesary spontaneity required for "forced" copulation or the yen to masturbate in a clinical cubicle, it is actually the lonely and dark spaces in between each of those events, where I have to abstain. Now, as we all know, abstinence, and the spelling thereof, has never been my long suit. Add to this how devilishly handsome I have been looking lately coupled with the fact that I am losing weight at a wonderful rate, and you see my dilemna! I can't keep my hands off of myself!

And why, I ask, would anyone? Our arms are this length for a darned good reason, people..so we can get ourselves off! In the bedroom, the living room, the restrooms at work. In the car, on a boat, in a bus, on a yak! Go boys and girls, go and enjoy yourselves! I would like to say that as you do, please think of me, but for some of you, that might make your genitals cringe like a frightened hermit crab pulling back into its shell. All I can say is that as I face the long dark of a full 48 hours without bonking the bishop, I encourage you to use this, my dearest sacrifice, as payment for your sins, allowing you to recognize how precious a gift self stimulation is. Go forth into that gentle night, dear readers, and with a cry of "This one's for you, RobbyBlog!" enjoy the wondrous gift of your own body.

Do this, in memory of me.