Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Letter Not to Complain, but as a Friend:

A letter I sent to the fine folks at Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash:

To whom it may concern, as it concerns me greatly!

First, let me start by disclaiming the bulk of this missive with the facts that not only am I a huge fan of Kevin Smith's movies, but I also kind of like the man himself. I read his blog, and follow his successes and trials as I do a good friend. I am also a late thirties displaced Jersey Boy trying to make good in the world, facing my own successes and trials.

One such trial that Mr. Smith (can I call him Kevin?) and I face or have faced is in our weight. I had gained a significant amount of weight since my marriage, and have worked very hard, as Kevin is working hard now, to lose a remarkable amount of that weight. I am so happy for where I am now, and have good folk around to remind me that I look good and that the weight loss was worth it.

Imagine my surprise then when I see all of my Kevin Smith collectibles suffering from, well, I can only call them weight issues. My collectors item black and white Silent Bob Clerks inaction figure slowly succumbed to its highly disproportionate weight to ankle ratio, to the point where I had to fashion braces made of paperclips to keep him upright!

I had thought this design flaw was simply a result from early and untested production issues, but in a recent trip to the Red Bank Secret Stash, I purchased not only (among other things) the slimmer version of Kevin in his Red Bank exclusive garb, but also the Silent Bob Bobble head. Not three days after purchase, Kevin's miniature effigy ankles bent such that his svelte form had no recourse but to hurl itself off of my display shelf, ending another series of mockery by the production staff. The bobble head? Ankles were fine, but the bulk of this figure has since driven its feet into the hollow base to the extent that the leaning form of our dearest iconic character results in a head that no longer bobbles, but simple hangs listlessly from side to side as if to say "Why me? Why must the modeling staff denigrate me so?"

I ask for no rebates or replacements, View Askew folks. I only ask as a former heavy guy myself to give your figurehead a bit more consideration, and make his toys such that they can stand on their own two feet, ankles braced, and ready to take on the world.

Humbly submitted,


Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Rumors of the Death of Robbyblog....

Have been greatly exaggerated.

Hello loyal if miniature fan base! I am back, and in the finest fettle. Let me get a picture of my now FOUR MONTH OLD baby Millie up quickly to keep you maniacs at bay:

I think with a little resizing, she will make for a lovely desktop. Give it a whirl.

Lets try to get some news up here then, to play some catch up, then hopefully I can start posting the nonsense that you are used to.

1. Millie: She is doing very, very well. She laughs all the time, and is sleeping in her own crib, in her own nursery. It is adorable, but makes the Goodely Wyfe a bit sad, which is only normal. Millie has a bunch of physical therapy stuff she still needs to do all the time, but its fun, stretchy and doesn't seem to bother her too much.

2. The Goodely: This incredibly amazing woman is dealing with her own version of my fractious views of things, trying to discover what it means to be mother, wyfe, career woman, friend and family member all at once. September marks the end of our backup savings for her to be home, so it is off to some kind of work soon. She may start shooting weddings again, as this would involve more work on the weekends when I can watch Millie, but that also means the two of us will have a tough row to hoe getting good face time together. I am sure we will work something out, of course, as we always do, as long as this round of working things out does not involve thousands of dollars in psychotherapy.

3. Working Out: I am doing very well staying on track to be able to say arbitrarily "I am forty years old, and in the best shape of my life". I am thirty nine now, if you want to keep track, having celebrated my birthday on 08/08. Next year, of course, my birthday will be 08/08/08, again, random numbers fun!

I am in the gym every day now, as it turns out, doing cardio and weight training on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and taking a yoga class on Tuesday, Thursday and when I am around, Saturday. Well, I WILL be taking the yoga, I had my first class a few days ago, and loved it, so I hope it lasts.

All of this working out takes its toll in other ways, so to get that balance back, I steal hours away from my day in the mornings, and get up every day at five. It is insane, I know, but I love those early morning hours so much, and miss them terribly when I sleep through them. I wonder if Millie and the gang will let me sleep in on Sundays? That would be nice, if you are listening.

Okay, I think I will try to get more frequent postings going on...I still owe you the Grandma Millie story, and the "Was Robert Always Beautiful" treatise. Let's see if we can get those done, alright?